Frozen Christmas
by sleepyhead.shuu
Summary: Every year of my Christmas was filled with a mountain of presents. From handmade until something luxurious and limited that would be hard to get. They were all captivated by my eyes. I know that and it invited loneliness to engulf me tenderly yet painfully like a white snow that slowly fell down and covered up the earth.[One Shot, Ikki's POV]


=Frozen Christmas=

Ikki's POV

I hate Christmas.

I have my own reason to hate such event.

Even so, I ever felt the same like most people in the world. It was long..long time ago. Too long to the point I couldn't even remember if it was real or just my fantasy.

It was when I was a kid and lived with my parents. I was just like any other kid back then. Getting excited over putting the star on top of the Christmas tree, tried to steal a taste from the Christmas banquet, put some socks and decorated the house with colorful light bulbs, and of course, looking forward for Santa and presents. It was all good memories.

But then, it all disappeared with just a single wish.

[ I want to be famous and loved by girls.]

At first, it sounded like a childish wish. For a kid on that age, being famous and loved by girls are something cool. I was never realize that it brought doom to my own days. All the peaceful days I had, destroyed into a pieces. All of it changed into squeals and screams from girls. They fought for my attentions and then, I lost all of my friends.

Soon after that, on my first Christmas after got cursed, I stopped wanting for toys and such. I wrote a letter to Santa. I wished him to bring me back my friends and stopped all of this madness. But not even Santa could turn everything right again. By the next morning I woke up with the fact that more girls were swarming in front of my place, caused the neighborhood to get disturbed and forced my family to moved away.

And thus, my sweet Christmas ended.

Years passed and my Christmas now equals to party. Yes, a party filled with delicious cuisines and gorgeous ladies. A party that would be a sweet dream for every single guys. But it never bring me satisfaction. Those parties felt more like an obligatory. Every word that escaped my mouth felt empty, just like a greeting that must be told for the sake of 'common sense'.

Every year of my Christmas was filled with a mountain of presents. From handmade until something luxurious and limited that would be hard to get. They were all captivated by my eyes. I know that and it invited loneliness to engulf me tenderly yet painfully like a white snow that slowly fell down and covered up the earth.

Will Christmas ended up this cold every single year?

Seems like my sweet Christmas already buried deep under the freezing snow.

And the bell of joyful Christmas refused to ring for me anymore.

But…

-crings-

* * *

><p>My eyes snapped open instantly as the sound of bell brought back my sanity. I flicked my eyes again and again until my eyes adjusted to light. My breath felt heavy as I felt some beads of sweats rolled over my face. Another bad dream like usual. I had been haunted by this dream for eternity and today, it felt more heartbreaking than before. Perhaps, because it's <em>that day<em> already. And perhaps, because the phone call I got last night. I took a long breath before forced my self to stand up and pulled apart the curtains. I need to get some fresh air.

My eyes wandered off to the distant scenery served somewhere outside the thick window. Seems like the scenery outside gradually changed. It was completely dull before. With a lot of people rushing around with whatever reasons. Some of them have a tired looking face, some other looked as if they just got lottery. However, everything looked different today. With the color of red and green dominated the sea of people, the smile on their face looked all the same. But of course, some people looked depressed enough. Maybe the bell that rang together with a flowing wind couldn't change their fate that fast. But well, Christmas is in the air now. Soon, enough, the street will get filled with joyful chorus and happiness. Something that I'd never feel again. Never...

I chuckled softly as I walked away from the choking scenery. Took a glance toward a small box with blue ribbon on the table before sighed. The box would ended up stuffed inside my wardrobe again since I couldn't give it to her.

This is exactly why I hate Christmas. I hate the lonely feeling which I get even when I was in the middle of crowd.

I sighed as I started to taking off all of my clothes and walked into the bathroom, let the cold water cleared my head from the bad memories. I must get rid of this anxiety away from my head fast. Afterall, I could never show this face to anyone else.

"God, spare me your mercy…"

* * *

><p>I leaned on the wall right next to the cafe's window, with a soft scent of coffee on the cup in my hand lingering around me. The sky already set and dyed the sky to beautiful twilight. This feel somewhat peaceful. Meido no Hitsuji took a day off today and we're supposed to clean up the cafe. But Toma and Shin took a day off for themselves, left just me and Kent in the cafe. Today was Christmas Eve afterall. Soon, Kent will also going out. But still, Christmas meant nothing for me. I chuckled sadly as I sipped my coffee, let the bitter sweet warmth spread in my mouth.<p>

Today, I supposed to meet her. But suddenly she broke the promise by the phone last night because she got a mountain works for winter breaks. I couldn't really force her, right? After all, Christmas wasn't my things. So, I didn't feel any loss of not able to spending our Christmas together...

–or so i thought.

If I didn't care, then what is this choking feeling I felt since this morning? Why am I feeling depressed every time my eyes caught the couple walking together, hand in hand while exchanging a loving smile? Am I...feeling envious of those couples?

I shrugged as I put down my cup of coffee on the nearby table. Just when I thought to have a quite rest, Kent walked toward me, looking a little disturbed before he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Ikkyu." I looked at him, waiting for him to continue his line.

"May I have a moment?" I nodded as I leaned back to the wall comfortably.

"Sure. Is something wrong, Ken?" Kent nodded slightly before he fixed his glasses.

"Could we move somewhere else? I cannot talk about it here."

"Eh? But why? It's not like anyone would hear us out. If you want, we can just move to–"

"No. Let's just go outside for now." I frowned. For some reason, Kent looked unusually nervous. I shrugged a bit.

"Alright then, I'll get my coat first." Kent nodded. I walked back to my room, slightly concerned with the unusual Kent. I know he always been awkward but today, he became really weird. I got a little worried with what might happened with him.

After I wore my coat, my scarf then made sure that I wore my glasses, I walked back to the front cafe then stepped out from the cafe. The cold wind of winter greeted us and forced me to tighten my scarf and hid my hands inside my coat pockets.

"Then? Where we're going now?" Kent fixed his glasses slowly before nodded.

"Follow me." I shrugged my shoulders before I walked down the sidewalk with him. Kent stayed silent all the time while I looked around the town. The christmas themed decorations are all over the place and it made me chuckled bitterly.

"You know, Ken. Two men are walking together in Christmas Eve looked a little pathetic." Kent chuckled softly before he shook his head.

"We're not single guys. So, why it should be pathetic?"

"About that... Well, I am single in this christmas."

"Really? Didn't you agreed to go with her?"

"Yes. But she canceled it last night."

"I see."

Then, another silence engulfed us as we kept on walking side to side in the middle of couples around.

"Then, what do you need with me anyway?" Kent smirked mysteriously. It scared me a little since usually, Kent looked that 'proud' when he managed to make a good puzzle for me to solve. I hope he didn't think to give me a big puzzle for spending my lonely Christmas.

"You'll know soon enough."

-And so he said.

I frowned for more. But I had no choice but to follow the clover man. While we were walking, the scenery around me became even more suffocating. Not only because of the couples around, but I could see some familiar faces which made me stopped my feet. They were usually swarming around the cafe on my shift, but today, they looked different. They looked more cuter today, with their true love next to them. They didn't realized me at all. With my glasses on and between the sea of people, I might looked like a random passerby for them. Somehow, seeing them feeling all happy like that made me feel..angry.

"Something wrong, Ikkyu?" Kent's voice brought back my sanity. I smiled slightly while shaking my head.

"No. It's fine." Kent fixed his eyeglasses again, looked at me with his green irises before nodded slightly.

"If you say so... But Ikkyu..."

"Hm?"

"If I'm not mistaken... You always said you hate Christmas, right?" I looked at Kent, slightly widened my eyes before let out a small chuckle.

"And what if I did?"

"Do you hate christmas, or you hate people who ruined your christmas?" Kent's question took me by surprise. That was a nice question. If he put it that way then the answer is clear, no?

"Saaa.. I wonder." I said playfully. Kent chuckled as he shook his head.

"As prideful as always."

"Well, you're as busybody as always." Kent laughed softly before he continued on walking, led me into an intersection that felt familiar. Wait a minute...

"This road.." Just as I thought, I widened my eyes as we arrived back in front of the cafe. We just took a turnabout the block and came back to the square zero. I frowned as I looked at Kent.

"Thank you for the short walk." He chuckled then pushed my back toward the door. "Then, I shall leave you here. Merry Christmas, Ikkyu. Don't let your eyes become an obstacle to your happiness." With that, Kent fixed his glasses before finally walked off somewhere.

"Merry Christmas..Kent..." I muttered. I really couldn't figure out what Kent meant with that but well, it doesn't matter. I walked toward the door and opened the wodden door. The cafe looked darker, perhaps because no one turned on the light before we left. Perhaps this is the perfect christmas for me. Alone in the middle of dark.

For some reason, I felt really pathetic.

Since when did I feeling this empty?

Is it because I got used to someone filling up my days and turned my monotonous days?

…..I hate to be alone now…

But well…

Perhaps I must be alone afterall..

I swung my hand around, trying to located the switch before I noticed something glowing nearby. I blinked my eyes several time to get used to the darkness before moved close. The glow nearby came from a candle. I frowned. I thought I never lit any candle before.

As I busy in my own thought, suddenly, the light turned on. I covered my eyes with my back of hand, tried to protect it from the sudden light.

"Merry Christmas, Ikki-san…"

I couldn't believe what I just heard. Slowly, I turned my body. And she was there. She stood there, smiled with her reddened cheek. Her hair looked unusually curly but it get along with the white dress with spaghetti strap on her fair shoulders. She held a cake with a cute christmas themed cookies on top.

"You…" I whispered her name. She nodded and smiled happily. She enjoyed the shocked expression in my face. She explained that she lied to me. She wanted to give me a surprise and she asked Kent to take me out while she prepared everything. As she talked about her successful plan, I was just standing there, couldn't really grasp what had happened.

But it didn't matter anymore. I walked closer to her who busily put down the cake and told me to blow the candle with her. Not wasting much second, I embraced her from behind. Buried my face on her soft hair. She protested, saying that it was dangerous. I apologized, yet didn't let her go rightaway. I felt her warmth against my body. She is here.. And slowly, my frozen loneliness started to melt with her warmth. I kissed her head gently and whispered softly in her ear.

"Thank you..for coming…"

* * *

><p>It was a couple minutes before midnight when I sat on the floor, with her on my laps and with nothing else but a blanket covering our body. I circled my arms around her waist to keep her warm while she cut a piece of the cake and fed me from her fork. She said proudly that she made that, with the help of Shin and Toma. I nodded, approved that it tasted good and it brought a smile into her face. She looked up, pecked my lips and giggled that I tasted sweet. I shook my head before lifted her chin up and gave her a proper kiss then told her that she is the sweetest which made her blushed again.<p>

As I asked how was her day lately, she started to talk about her school days. Hearing that from her made me felt more lonelier. She noticed that and said that she loves to be with me more than anything. I chuckled and bit her nose playfully, said proudly that I know that. She rubbed her nose with a pout as she started to tell me about her friend's date plan, about the big christmas tree in the middle of town. I know her too well, she wants to go there. But she didn't want to burden me. My eyes would likely become troublesome. But then, I remembered what Kent told me this afternoon.

_Don't let your eyes become an obstacle…_

I nodded slightly before lifted her from my laps.

"Get a warmer clothes.. Let's see the christmas tree now."

* * *

><p>The station was unduly crowded as the arm of clock pointed at 12 AM. A train from the neighborhood city was arrived a couple minutes ago. A milling crowd was rushing in several directions at once, to and from the two outlets Arrival and Departure, to the outside world. In between the crowd, I held her gloved hand tightly as we walked down the station. Worried, that I might lose her in the sea of people. I'd love to take another way but this is the only shortcut to the tree.<p>

We managed to past the crowd safely even with a lot of hardwork. She panted, her hand squeezed mine gently while the other rubbed her chest. I chuckled a bit and patted her head. I leaned against the wall, laughed softly. I never know christmas street looked this busy since I never take a walk in the street like tonight. Everything seems new for me.

After we caught our breaths, we started on moving again. Slowly, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close. She protested, saying that people might see. But as usual, her protests are futile, or I wonder if she really didn't mind at all and just being shy. No matter what, I managed to land a kiss on her forehead. Her face turned red, I couldn't even know if she is angry or blushing by now.

"It's Christmas eve. No one care…" I said, teased her a bit as I smirked slightly. She pouted, punched my chest lightly while saying how shameful I always be. Hey, you didn't hate this shameful me, right?

We walked together, hand in hand as we looked around the christmas decorations. We continued on moving. Sometimes she squealed when she saw cute decorations, sometimes she puffed her cheeks and grumbling as I glanced at girls around, but at least, she smiled and laughed a lot. That's enough for me.

The park where the Christmas tree located was already filled with the sea of people. I could see that she felt a little down since she couldn't getting close, let alone seeing it clearly. She sighed inaudible. I chuckled softly as I patted her head.

"We still have next year…or two years from now.. or even ten years from now to see it. I'll think a way for us to get the first rate spot later."

She looked at me, shocked a bit with what I just said. She asked me if I'd really wasting my christmas every single years? I nodded. I have nothing else to looking forward, except a night with her afterall. She giggled, wondered what did I think about Christmas since she was the only thing I expected. I took a brief silent before I smiled slightly.

My Christmas..is you.

I hate Christmas day.

Even now, I still hate christmas day.

But now, something gradually changed. My old sweet christmas slowly turned into a distant past. And now, the new season comes to me. The season that she brought into my dull life. Thus, just like a snow that melted by the warmth of spring, my joyful feeling of christmas comes back to bloom once again.

A soft squeal escaped her lips as she looked up and caught a small snow which slowly fell with her palm. White christmas again this time, I said. But for some reason, I didn't get the strange melancholic dripped down along with the white snow. Instead, I laughed softly at how excited she looked for a small snow. Perhaps, I didn't hate christmas nor snow.. I just hate the loneliness in every Christmas I get. But now…

I took off my glasses and slid it into my coat before I lifted her chin and kissed her lips gently, made her looked at me in shock before flusthered as she finally realized that I took off my glasses. I laughed softly before gave her another brief kiss. I whispered that people are too busy with themselves now and they wouldn't care.

God…

At least for tonight, let me be a normal guy.

At least for tonight, let me look into her eyes without any obstacle.

At least for now, let me enjoy the white christmas.

My only wish is only one..

I want to stay with her unchangingly…

And then, we'll see the tree in a better view later on.

"Merry Christmas…"

_And thank you for saving me from my loneliness._


End file.
